I’m pretty sure it makes me some sort of freak that, when a guy tells me three times since Tuesday that he “can’t wait to see me” or that seeing me is “the best part of the weekend,” I feel an insane amount of pressure. To do what, I’m not sure. But it kinda makes my chest seize.
So, again… That’s healthy, right?
I’m sure there’s significance to be found in how excited and happy I am to pull myself out of my PMS-induced haze to go see my friends today, but how much I don’t want to be on the already-planned overnight date tomorrow.
I just want to stay home alone and watch movies. So…that’s healthy, right?
It’s been a good week for compliments from friends here at Smug Singleton HQ.
1. “You without vulgarity is like a street without asphalt.”
2. “I can’t imagine you really even being friends with someone who doesn’t have a razor-sharp wit and delightfully dark sense of humor.”
Thanks, y’all. Much appreciated.
People. If you’re on someone’s Facebook page and “like” a photo they posted months ago? One logical conclusion is that you’re going through all their shit like a creeper.
Please stalk responsibly. Kthxbye.
“Had I to dare to choose, I’d choose you from all the planets the night sky could show me… I’ll take your leave to be bold. I want this. I swell to think of you in me. And I see that you do, too.”
— Saffron, Firefly
Um, I’m sorry… It’s not enough that I be self-conscious about my face, my boobs, and my hands all showing signs of aging. Now my hair needs to look younger?!
Go fuck yourselves, Pantene.
I wish they’d be more specific when categorizing porn. For instance, can we find a way to eliminate any videos where the guy leaves on his shoes and/or socks? What IS that? I have abandonment issues, man — I can’t get it up for you if I can clearly see you’ve prepared for a quick post-coital getaway.
And as we all learned from Coupling, “no self-respecting woman will ever let a naked man in socks do the squelchy with her.”
Mind the sock gap, y’all.
Phoebe: “What’s with all the bottles of liquor?”
Ross: “What’s going on? Is Bobby drinking again?”
Monica: “Oh, no, no. This is not for him, this is for me. That way he’s still sober, but I find his stories about shoelaces much more amusing.”
“That’s a stupid myth, right? That every woman has to be held and cuddled after sex? A lot of us don’t like it. It’s pointless, just get off of me. You were just inside of me — how much closer do you think you’re gonna get?”
— Lisa Landry
(Most of the time, I can abide about 5 to 10 minutes of post-coital snuggling before I get antsy and start thinking about snacks. Or, if we did it right, I want to go to sleep, and I can’t do that when someone is touching me.)