Apparently my default shipping address on Amazon is still my ex’s and my apartment (where he still lives), because that’s where my shipment was delivered. I only realized when I checked the tracking info.
I can easily go get it, and also grab a few other things I left when I moved, but I’m suddenly overwhelmed at the idea of going back there, like I can’t even handle the thought of walking into the apartment.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It was an amicable, mutual breakup. I’ve SEEN him at other friends’ houses since I moved out. We text almost every day just to say hi. I just haven’t been back to “our” apartment, and the idea is making me queasy. Maybe because it’s been 6 months and that’s still the place (and person) I think of when I say “home.” Maybe also because it’s not my apartment to just walk into anymore — I still have a key, but I contacted him to make arrangements first. Because that’s what you do when you require access to a dwelling that’s not yours.
Well, shit. Working out the rationale didn’t help at all.
As a bonus, we discussed it, and now I’m going over there this week and we’re going to have lunch. Hey, awesome. Date with my ex? Sure, why not?
Seriously, a crystal ball that looked ahead just 6 months would be goddamn amazing, just so I can at least see if everything gets less fucked up and confusing than it is right now. I’m 35, aren’t I a little old to be emo?