Who wants to read my romance novel?

After that goddamn debacle o’porn yesterday, screw this, I’m writing my own. I can’t do any worse than referring to a guy’s cock as “his craft.” (Heh. Cock-craft. I can’t decide if that would be a penis-shaped aircraft, or crafts you do on a dick, like covering it with glitter or bedazzling it or some shit.)

Anyway. Here’s MY sample passage: “Her kisses were needful, urgent, hungry. She kissed with her entire body — soft sounds of pleasure, wandering hands, hips pressed into his. Logic supplanted by instinct, desire overtaking shyness. She pulled away slowly and crawled on to the bed, arching her back, looking over her shoulder at him defiantly, daring him to resist.”

I get a little tingle in my bottom just reading it, but I’m the first to admit that might be an ego boner.

10 thoughts on “Who wants to read my romance novel?

  1. Sorry, I couldn’t objectively evaluate your naughty writing, I was too giggly after “cock-craft”. (Definitely glitter and bedazzling. Like arts & craft, but with cock.)

  2. Honest opinions? From someone who basically does this for a living? This portion: “She kissed with her entire body” is… incredibly awkward. Is she trying to shove her elbows in his mouth? When I kiss, I just sort of use my lips and tongue and stuff, ya know? So, okay, I know what you mean though. So maybe something more along the lines of that she gave herself fully over to a kiss? Something that allows for the same general meaning, but not the imagery of actually trying to masticate an entire person.

    (Please take this in the nature in which it was intended, please take this in the nature in which it was intended, please take this in…)

      • Yeah, sort of tongue-in-cheek constructive criticism. I spend so much of my life reading atrocious writing, that I kind of try to… gently guide anyone who expresses an interest in any way in writing their own. I try to do it as a public service.

        Seriously, though, I’m not sure I’ve come across “craft” as a penis descriptor before. I have, however, found “love pocket” for a vagina. Ah, that book series was a joy to read, let me tell you.

      • I’m an editor (though clearly not of romance), so I feel your pain.

        “Craft” was part of an excerpt I posted yesterday — there’s a link to it on this post — from an adult film star’s upcoming (tee hee) book. Something about his craft landing on her runway? Might work for your blog.

  3. Or perhaps crafts featuring cocks? A cross-stitch sampler with a border of penises would certainly be unique décor. 🙂

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