Genetics of Genital Jokes

I’m visiting my family today. Mom just made a blowjob joke, and my grandparents laughed their 86-year-old asses off. Just in case anyone wonders how I turned out this way.

“You, alright? I learned it by watching you!”

Holiday greetings from Smug HQ!

Today, I’m thankful for you guys. And multiple orgasms. And pie. But mostly for you guys. (Ahem. And pie.)

Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Hanukkah. Hell, Happy November 28. Have fun and be safe.

Fetch me the creature of the night!

Um, yeah… The vibrator can take care of MOST bid-ness just fine, but I’m gonna need an actual man. God damn all of you, and your beautiful mouths, and the delicious pressure of your body on mine.

“I’ve got an itch to scratch, I need assistance…”

TV-induced lust and gateway douchebags

I’m watching the first season of “Community” on DVD.

Why didn’t anyone tell me Joel McHale is snark-funny AND has a body like that?! JAY-sus!20131125-094402.jpg


Quotable: “She’s 18. Her taste in men is still being established. Creepier and creepier dudes will start thinking of her as an option, and it all starts with Vaughn. He’s a gateway douchebag.”
— Jeff Winger

Nice tall glass of “Nope.”

Let me get this straight: I can’t rely on you to remember a meeting time we agreed to less than an hour ago, but you expect me to trust you enough to be your girlfriend?

I don’t think you fully grasp the concept of “emotional issues.” Try again. Show your work.