My online-dating horror stories include three different dudes who were doggedly interested in butt sex (see what I did there?) and the subtleties therein (and there?): “Not at all? Not a finger? What about tongue?”
And one guy, within his first five messages, offered me an impressively vivid description of how he’d pleasure me orally. (Which, hey, yay for enthusiasm, but Jesus, give me a little “lady” leeway. I’ll probably let you do that on a first date, but not on first email — it’s called class?)
Anyone else have any good stories, or have your friends had any noteworthy adventures? If it’s too awful to post publicly, email smugsingleton@gmail.com.
Smug Singleton 
The instantly much-too-graphic messages have been most common. And I mean from the very FIRST message, not as far as five whole messages in. Oy.
Anal isn’t a problem for me, but a persistent interest in that above all else would be. Dude, you know there are other orifices, right??
OH. There was the guy I went out with a handful of times who turned out to be a nudist (in private, at least). I mean, I like getting naked with a guy as much as anyone, but I am not all for sitting around naked all the time. ESPECIALLY not when you have a yappy lapdog that, while adorable, thinks a naked lap is the best thing EVER for his sharp little claws.
Niiiiiice. Thanks!