Gentleman Prefer Fatties

I’ve seen this floating around Facebook recently, and it annoys the piss out of me.20140221-111622.jpgFirst, Marilyn Monroe never said that. Google it, asshat — you’re Internetting wrong. “Size 0” wasn’t a thing in Marilyn’s day. That’s a relatively recent instrument of self-loathing.

Second, I don’t think I’m “ugly” because I’m not skinny. Not being skinny is what makes me feel FAT. (Plus, I understand biology — I will never be a size 0. I have boobs and hips, it’s just not meant to be. I usually feel fat because I’m not a size 8.) When I have the “I feel ugly” day, it’s because my face is stupid, my skin has gone rogue, and my hair is disloyal. (See also: Today. Today is actually a Fat/Ugly two-fer, like a Clinique bonus of self-hatred.)

Finally, OK, “society” is ugly. I understand that logically — we have warped and impossible standards of beauty. But is that supposed to make me feel better? You know I have to LIVE in “society” as an ugly fat-ass, right? Thanks, dick, for sharing this bullshit with your fatty-fat-fat Facebook friends in an effort to make us feel like we’re NOT hambeast trolls.

That’s like telling me I shouldn’t be frustrated that I live in Paris and don’t speak French. Sure, I can blame their “society,” but I’m not changing it. C’est la vie. Asshole.

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