Garfunkel & Oates speak the wisdom, as always.

It’s been a while since I shared this one. It bears repeating now and then.

Conceal. Don’t feel.

I look forward to the level of self-assurance/not giving a fuck of the older woman I just saw. Thirty years ago, she likely had a chest larger than my D cup. And today, she embraced her inner Elsa and just let it go — strapless cotton sundress, no bra.

I’m not even hating. Bless your heart, honey, you’ve earned it.

Sister Sledge was right. We ARE family!

See, no matter what issues I have with my family, there are very few people I could have this discussion with:

Me: “Um, what the hell is going on with our family in that Facebook conversation? Have we MET these calm, loving people?”

Sister: “LOL. I can’t tell if they’re medicated or not.”

Me: “If they are, I want some.”

The force is strong with you, girl nerds.

Star Wars isn’t my thing, but GET IT, lady nerds!

Disney Bows to Star Wars Fan Backlash, Adds Princess Leia Toys to New Line

Monday morning oral fixation

Not sure what y’all think about first thing on a Monday morning. But I’m damn sure thinking about dick now.

Do I even need to say this isn’t safe for work?

Via OhJoySexToy: How to Suck Cock

A Father’s Day gift.

During my last relationship, my dad asked three times when we were going to give him some grandchildren.

The first two times, I didn’t want to be rude, so I just gave the generic answer: “When we’re married, have a house,” etc.

The third time, I said, “Dad, do you realize how gross it is to ask your daughter when she’s going to start having unprotected sex?”

Aaaand that was the last time I got that question.

Happy Father’s Day!

Surprising no one, I have daddy issues.

I almost wish I were sadder that I’m spending Father’s Day alone with a book and Netflix because my dad never answered my emails about having lunch.

That’s OK, though, I can totally tell he misses me when he posts it on Facebook.

(I’m kidding. Mostly. My dad loves me. And hey, I don’t have to put on pants today!)

Capitalizing my Lady Business

For several years after I first started having sex, I didn’t think a man could give me a clitoral orgasm, and I didn’t really enjoy receiving oral sex. (It wasn’t unpleasant, but I was always more G-spot-oriented.)

Looking back, I’m really glad I never gave up. Good for you, Lady Parts.* Way to evolve.

*Oh, yeah, I capitalize it now. They’ve earned it!

“I’ll be in my bunk.”

Via Buzzfeed: 49 Reasons The Spanish World Cup Team Is Definitively The Hottest World Cup Team

The blonde half of Garfunkel & Oates knows what’s up.