Conceal. Don’t feel.

I look forward to the level of self-assurance/not giving a fuck of the older woman I just saw. Thirty years ago, she likely had a chest larger than my D cup. And today, she embraced her inner Elsa and just let it go — strapless cotton sundress, no bra.

I’m not even hating. Bless your heart, honey, you’ve earned it.

Sister Sledge was right. We ARE family!

See, no matter what issues I have with my family, there are very few people I could have this discussion with:

Me: “Um, what the hell is going on with our family in that Facebook conversation? Have we MET these calm, loving people?”

Sister: “LOL. I can’t tell if they’re medicated or not.”

Me: “If they are, I want some.”

A Father’s Day gift.

During my last relationship, my dad asked three times when we were going to give him some grandchildren.

The first two times, I didn’t want to be rude, so I just gave the generic answer: “When we’re married, have a house,” etc.

The third time, I said, “Dad, do you realize how gross it is to ask your daughter when she’s going to start having unprotected sex?”

Aaaand that was the last time I got that question.

Happy Father’s Day!

Surprising no one, I have daddy issues.

I almost wish I were sadder that I’m spending Father’s Day alone with a book and Netflix because my dad never answered my emails about having lunch.

That’s OK, though, I can totally tell he misses me when he posts it on Facebook.

(I’m kidding. Mostly. My dad loves me. And hey, I don’t have to put on pants today!)

Capitalizing my Lady Business

For several years after I first started having sex, I didn’t think a man could give me a clitoral orgasm, and I didn’t really enjoy receiving oral sex. (It wasn’t unpleasant, but I was always more G-spot-oriented.)

Looking back, I’m really glad I never gave up. Good for you, Lady Parts.* Way to evolve.

*Oh, yeah, I capitalize it now. They’ve earned it!