Teach them well and let them lead the way. Because I’m sure not gonna.

I keep seeing everyone’s adorable back-to-school kid photos, and I keep remembering one of my favorite comedians (Lisa Landry) talking about how there’s no way she could get another human being up, fed, dressed, and on a bus by 7 a.m.

I still haven’t eaten breakfast, my hair is frizzy, I was late for work, and my pants don’t fit. Bless all your hearts, seriously. I’m glad your children are our future, because if mine were, we’d all be fucked.