I didn’t know anyone could be worse at small talk than I am.

Today I received maybe the fifth intro message I’ve gotten on OKCupid that included asking what my favorite color is.

1. I care less about a guy’s favorite color than I do if he worships Satan. I’m really only concerned if you have a favorite color PERSON.

2. Are you Buddy the Elf?

3. Are you a 9-year-old girl? (Scratch that. I KNOW 9-year-old girls, and they don’t care what anyone’s favorite color is.)

4. Is this a deciding factor? Like, if I answered purple, he’d be like, “PURPLE?! Oh. Well, I guess if THAT’s how you were raised…” Or, “OMG, me too! Purple, right?! Grapes, Barney, Rain! MAN. Purple. Thank you, OKCupid, for I have found my lobster.”

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