Oh, say? Can you see…my vagina?

So I was watching some porn. Don’t judge me, Friday night is Me Time. Plus, research!

In this particular vagnette, a guy wearing a backwards baseball cap went down on a woman in what looked like a fairly impressive manner, and was definitely an impressive amount of time for porn. Time spent on cunnilingus in porn is kinda like dog years — they spend one minute doing it and we’re supposed to believe it was as effective as 7 minutes’ work.

But dude. Lose the hat!

First off, I don’t even know what your deal is with the cap. You have McDreamy hair, man — flaunt that shit.

Also, going down on a woman demands at least the same reverence as hearing the national anthem at a ballpark. Show some respect and take off the hat, at least for the duration of your civic duty.

Finally, how hot is it to grab a man’s hair while he’s saying all sorts of sooth vis-a-vis your lady lair? I love that! The woman was obviously used to grabbing hair, too, ’cause she was grabbing at the hat like, “Why the fuck are you still wearing this?”

Gentlemen. Kindly de-hat at some point in the proceedings.

I’m Smug Singleton and I approved this message.

P.S. Truth? Some of the men who’ve done that to me have done it so earth-shakingly well that I probably wouldn’t have noticed if they’d had on a clown outfit. (Um, but please don’t ever do that. Gah.)

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