“C is for Coitus. That’s good enough for me.”

Friend: “Sesame Street has an O Show. O is Oprah and she’s giving out oboes. ‘You get an oboe! You get an oboe!'”

Me: “This went to a place in my brain that is inappropriate for Sesame Street. But on the pervy shady side streets? You get an O-face.”

Friend: “You get an orgasm! You get an orgasm!”

You guys… Gross, can you imagine?

Maybe that’s why Guy was so Smiley.

“Haaaaave you met Smug?”

Friend: “It’s a shame you can’t date my friend Steve. He’s really sweet and such a gentleman. But he lives in Boston, so he only visits once in a while.”

Me: “Oh, you mean he could come here, fuck me, and then go away? I’d only have to get pretty and shave every couple months? Boo hoo, that sounds terrible. BRING HIM TO ME!”

I have found my soulmate. Someone bring him to me.

“Foreplay is like mozzarella sticks. The more you think about it, the more apt it is.”

I am in love with this man.

Via Cosmo UK: 12 Sex Things Men Really Don’t Give a Crap About