“Haaaaave you met Smug?”

Friend: “It’s a shame you can’t date my friend Steve. He’s really sweet and such a gentleman. But he lives in Boston, so he only visits once in a while.”

Me: “Oh, you mean he could come here, fuck me, and then go away? I’d only have to get pretty and shave every couple months? Boo hoo, that sounds terrible. BRING HIM TO ME!”