Bare butts and blasphemy

My parents just showed up for an unannounced visit. They haven’t seen any of the places I’ve lived in for probably 10 years — we are not an “unannounced visit” kind of family.

This may be the only time in my life I’ve ever regretted not being into elaborate S&M scenarios with randos I meet on Tinder.

“Oh, hey, Parents! This is Ben and that’s Kyle. That’s Steve over there in the swing, and that’s Todd in the corner — he just likes to watch. Check this out, I got these fuzzy cuffs special for Handcuff Sunday. What, you guys do Saturdays? Yeah, we like the bonus blasphemy of the Lord’s day. It really adds something, right, Todd?”

Dude. It’s my day off. I’m wearing pajama pants with no underwear and haven’t brushed my teeth yet.

But hey, thanks for presuming I’d be home alone — much appreciated. (Yes, I AM, but I’m not always! Give me some credit!)

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