White trash reco’nize white trash. 

I saw a white-trash hoodrat outside a convenience store, and he was wearing a Nike shirt that said, “Damn, I’m good.”

First thought: “I bet you’re not.”

Second thought: “At what, evading child support?” 

I’m going to hell. 

“How YOU doin’?”

A happy bonus of working in a huge office complex is that, walking through the halls, I often see new people who work in other offices.

New, sexy people. With penises.

And sometimes I see them on casual Friday, when I did realize how clingy my outfit is, but it was too late to change it, so, “Hello, sir. Please behold all the best bits of my body — an hourglass with just the right amount of extra sand in it.” (“Allllll the right junk in allllll the right places.”)

I love my job.

Friendship Friday! (Shut up, it’s totally a thing.)

Happy Friday, people!

And thanks be, as always, to my bestests. I couldn’t surround myself with a more amazing and supportive group of friends. MAYBE if one of y’all had a unicorn or worked for a book publisher. But you’re still pretty goddamn great, so please enjoy this lunchtime dance party.

“I was so lost back then, but with a little help from my friends, I found a light in the tunnel at the end…”

Basic physics for basic bitches. 

Goddammit. 

I’m not in my 20s, so apparently I just talk like an asshole.

Via Huffington Post: On Inside Amy Schumer, Bill Nye Confirms The Universe Exists To Guide White Women In Their 20s:

Re-blog: Olay Getting Women To Drop Guard With Few Nonjudgmental Ads Before Nailing Them With Body Shame

Via The Onion, Olay Getting Women To Drop Guard With Few Nonjudgmental Ads Before Nailing Them With Body Shame: