One of the reasons I don’t consider myself an atheist is that I get the kind of menstrual cramps that make me see Jesus.
And when I see Jesus, I stay home. Because you never know, He might need me to do things. Maybe I’m an emissary. That’d be sweet — “I’m Jesus, get me a muffin!” Who knows? Mysterious ways and all. I should be prepared.
Right now it seems He just wants me to drink coffee in bed. I always knew Jesus was cool.