These egg rolls are medicinal. 

Email to friends:

“I’m Googling therapists near my office, mapping their locations, and there’s one near work that’s also near an ice cream shop, a cupcake place, a liquor store, a Starbucks, and a great Chinese restaurant.

“I feel…somehow drawn…to their, um…clinical philosophy… I feel as though they can really help me face my issues. And by ‘face,’ I mean ‘fried rice IN my,’ but I’m sure therapy will be good, too. 

“(I know, I know — #ThisIsWhyYoureFat)”

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