This is a shitty quality video, but Aisha Tyler dressed up as Beyoncé and lip synched “Single Ladies” and it’s the only video I could find of the whole thing and I HATE that song, but regardless, I am slightly more in love with her now.
There are women who WANT a ring on it who don’t love this as much as I do.
I don’t have bipolar. Or, if I do, it’s a really shitty bipolar — they’re still working out my special-snowflake nomenclature. (I tried making “White Trash Bipolar” happen, but oddly, they don’t want that in the DSM.) But it hadn’t occurred to me until I read this that a) none of the doctors I’ve been to have asked about any sexual behaviors at all, or that b) it might even be related.
And I can’t say I talk about my vagina online and regret the entirety of 2013 and slut-shame myself because it’s NOT a factor. (JUST a factor, like I’m not trying to say I have this, either.)
I have friends tell me they could GET me “just sex,” but that they won’t, because it’s not really what I want and I’ll make it a Thing and feel bad about myself and they don’t want to hear it. But I still do consider bringing in a stunt dick to scratch that particular itch. My friends are right, though — I’d need some kind of daily therapy lightning round if I did, and I can’t afford that, so… tense and pent-up it is!
Two friends took me shopping the other day because I am SHIT at dressing myself, and they advised me to (ie, made me) try on this dress.
“I look like I’m wearing an Amish person’s pillowcase!”
“You look amazing, shut up. You’re buying this dress, deal with it.”
I wore it to work today and have been complimented multiple times — all by women. Even if logic says it’s POSSIBLE every straight dude in this building wants to bend me over their desk and plant their dicks under the dress like you’d plant a flag on a newly discovered planet, but can’t say so because it’s a workplace, I maintain that it’s because I look square and sexless.
But it’s basically a giant t-shirt, so whatever. It’s better than wearing pants. And I definitely have…let’s say “a lot more invested in the dress” than the model.
“2 a.m. and I’m still awake writing a song,
If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to.
And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd,
‘Cause these words are my diary screaming out loud,
And I know that you’ll use them however you want to.”