“It’s ‘uter-US,’ not ‘uter-YOU.'”

Male Coworker: “I could live on pizza and tacos.”

Me
: “OMG, me too.”

Coworker
: “See, that’s why you should have kids, because they’ll eat that stuff every day.”

Me
: “Uh, that’s why I DON’T have kids, because I’d have giant-mutant-obese kids who only ate pizza and tacos.”

Also, that doesn’t even make sense — I don’t need to have children to eat tacos and pizza. I just…CAN. I am a grown-ass woman and I can eat tacos whenever the hell I want. AND, with the money I save not having to buy food for Smug Junior, I can also get nachos or extra guac. My barren womb for liquid cheese? This seems like a fair trade.

Joking aside, I must reiterate that this is not a thing you should be saying, especially at work, especially if you don’t know the person well. What if a medical condition has made it such that giving birth could actually kill her? What if she’s been trying to conceive and not able to? What if she HAS conceived and the pregnancy didn’t take? What if her husband has some sort of issue and it’s causing them marital problems?

Honestly, shut your fucking mouth. This is a gross and invasive thing to say.

Besides, I don’t even have room to birth a kid to share tacos with when I have YOU all up in my vagina. You’re really hurting your cause.

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