You ain’t “Greased Lightnin’,” asshole.

Text from a friend: “Just saw a guy in a truck with the window decal that said ‘4 doors for more whores.’ I’m sure a classy guy like that couldn’t possibly be single.”

Me: “I will add that to the list of vehicular decor that disqualifies a man from getting his dick anywhere near me. See also: truck nuts; Confederate flags; bumper sticker reading ‘louder than your girl’ next to a giant, clearly compensatory tailpipe. (All things I’ve seen this year.)”

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