Texting the friend who sold me the new sex toy: “Just did a test run, and you were right. It’s bigger than the one I had. A LOT bigger. I only need men for their tongues and hanging curtains now.”
(Kidding, men. I can hang curtains. But I also really like your hands. And your voices. And your weight… Ahem. Sorry, what was my point…?)
Smug Singleton 