Introducing the new 2016 Chevy Hypocrite…

I don’t get into politics here, or anywhere, really, because political discourse makes me anxious, even when I agree. But I saw this earlier on a truck in front of me at a red light, and I need to swear about it, and it’s not actually about POLITICS, per se — it’s about misrepresented patriotism, and I think my bewildered inquiries are funny. So…disclaimed enough?

Right then.  

In case the photo is too blurry, it reads: “In Loving Memory of USA, July 4, 1776 – Nov. 4, 2008. R.I.P.”

I have questions.

So, if your candidate of choice gets elected next year, does America get resurrected? Are we a zombie? Are we Jesus? OMFG, are we Zombie Jesus?

Once Obama is out, do we start all over with calendars, like a BC/AD changeover? BO/AO?

Why and how did the country die, EXACTLY? Pull over, let’s chat. I really want to hear you to articulate it.

And if we ARE dead, how are YOU still here? Reverse rapture? Shouldn’t you be in a Kimmy-Schmidt-style bunker somewhere, eating freeze-dried jerky and waiting out this supposed apocalypse? 

If you really think the election of some dude you don’t agree with is reason to MOURN AMERICA, then you clearly don’t think as much of your country as you’re purporting to. There’s not one of these fuckers who could get elected that would compel me to put that dumbass shit on my car.

See also: go fuck yourself, and the depreciated resale value of your stupid car. Which, by the way, was a fucking CHEVY, which, according to your theory, as an American-made car, would’ve died in ’08 as well (ahem, especially without an auto bailout…) so maybe go get a Hyundai if you’re gonna weep for America, shitdick. (Or, hell, at least a Ford.)

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