Email to Friend: “The therapist asked me to write about my accomplishments this year, and goals for the upcoming year and beyond. I’ve been struggling with it because I genuinely can’t think of much. (I assume ‘Keep breathing’ and ‘Stay employed’ are implied. Maybe ‘Don’t sleep with anyone dumber than me?’)
“But I’m finishing Judy Greer’s book, and coincidentally she’s talking about how she has an always-evolving list of goals, what’s important to her, etc., that she reads and revises as needed.
“And then Kelly Sue DeConnick sent this text yesterday to the Bitches Get Shit Done list, so it’s pretty much law now, right? List ahoy, Little Shark!” 
Friend: “I can think of at least three things you should be proud of yourself for, but I’m not telling you because you have to look back and be proud of yourself. You have to look in the mirror and see the good.”
Me: “THREE?! Shit. I’m pretty rad. (I think I had two. Will continue considering.)”
Smug Singleton 
How big do your goals have to be? I have a whiteboard, and there’s constantly at least half a dozen to-dos and/or goals on it. Sometimes it’s stupid stuff “finally get project X that you’ve been meaning to do for a while done”, but sometimes it’s pretty sizable like “pay off Student Loan Y”. I get twitchy if I don’t cross at least one thing off every few days. (It’s a sign I’m getting lazy. None of it is daily chores, but there’s enough stuff on there that I SHOULD be able to cross something off a couple times a week.) Start writing out the small goals instead of focusing on huge ones and I bet you can come up with a pretty decent list.
(I agree with Friend about the accomplishments, though. Being able to spot that stuff for yourself is key. It’s a sign of a good mental state- when you’re depressed, you literally cannot see that stuff, or if you do, it comes with a disclaimer that would make NYC lawyers weep with envy.)
Side note, why shouldn’t you sleep with anyone dumber than you? If they’re pretty and you’re not planning on keeping them, what’s the harm? (I’m bad enabling, aren’t I? I’ll stop now.)
I don’t think they have to be big, she just said whatever I want is fine. But yeah, my “accomplishments” definitely come with disclaimers…and sarcastic quote marks.
Maybe if I find a REALLY pretty one. The last time I tried they weren’t pretty enough to be that dumb. (We’re taking “What’s a podcast?” dumb.)