In less obsessive news…
Intro message from a guy on OkCupid: “Hey honey are u into young guys”
OK, first off, that sounds a little statutory.
Next, dude is 30, so I’m half tempted to write him back and say, “I’m totally into young guys, but yesterday a 20-year-old said he would be down for one-night-only sex — so it’d be like a concert…of dick. So if I were to go with Mrs. Robinson kink, it’d be with him. At least he used punctuation, and at least I’d literally be old enough to be his mother, so we could have the full experience. It’d be downright Oedipal.”
Further, in the words of the immortal Melanie Carmichael/Smooter, “Don’t you ‘honey’ me, honey.”
And finally…30 isn’t that young. I mean, it’s too young for ME, but it’s 10 years, fuckface. I’ve dated 10 years older, it was fine. I’m not Stifler’s mom, man. Slow your roll.