Seems fitting for Groundhog Day, but with advance apologies to the few readers who emailed me to say I shouldn’t waste anymore time in this place…
This is the point in the That Guy cycle when I’m worried we’re not actually done — that I’ll let my guard down and then he’ll pop up somewhere. It’s been a discernible pattern, so much that I’m in a mental fighting stance every time I check any element of my digital existence.
I don’t think it’s going to happen this time. We weren’t exactly kind to each other. And he wasn’t trying to resurrect our friendship, which it turns out we never HAD. He was just finally confirming he’d been using my body and affection to make himself feel better, and that I was inadequate in both capacities. (Still a great feeling if you ever get the chance.)
Logistically, I don’t see how he COULD pop up. He can still see this page because it’s public (everybody wave!). I’m not changing that to avoid one person. (Unless it’s, like, Dexter.) But I don’t think he’s going to “like” anything after I gave him a bunch of shit about liking posts about my body or masturbation.
I think I’ve taken every other precaution, but I’m still a little on edge. When I stopped speaking to him last New Year’s, I don’t think a month passed thereafter where he didn’t remind me he was checking on me — a text, blog like, Facebook friend request (to my professional account), a LinkedIn profile view. But I probably said enough that he’ll avoid setting off that particular powder keg again.
And we’ll just save it for therapy that I still miss him. (Shut UP, I don’t KNOW. He told me I “claim dysfunction and use it to explain away being wrong,” so…yeah, dibs on that. I was crazy, I thought we were friends — I was wrong. I’m basically Clarissa right now.)
Oddly, I think I’ll relax about all this around Valentine’s Day, since that’ll be about 6 weeks. I’ll aim to spend that day finally unclenched, hopefully in more ways than one, with a movie, a glass of wine, my bombass lasagna, and an obscene quantity of really good chocolate. Ideally with a man under me as well, but I think it’ll be a decent day either way. Me and my Valentine “Serenity” — in all the ways. Shiny.