Sage advice from a friend on the STI front: “You’re already going into this with your eyes open; now it’s just if your legs are open, too.”
I told the guy I couldn’t meet him until I got tested, with a remarkable number of apologetic qualifiers for telling a man that sex with him may not be worth the risk of going the rest of my life with a disclaimer on my vagina. (“Not a big deal” depends who you ask. I will ask a doctor and go from there.)
I said if he didn’t want to meet me, I’d understand, but he said HE understood and would meet me when I was ready. Later, he called me sexy, smart, and quick, so you can see why I’m trying so hard to ride this particular unicorn.
He’s actually so good on paper that I’m worried it’s a trap. Like, am I the only woman who didn’t immediately say “no” to this? How is he saying everything I need to hear? Is that instinct honed from years of practice on various conquests he’s humped and dumped? Is he, like, 70 years old? (He’s not, I stalked his Facebook. Don’t judge me, that’s HIS fault. There’s a reason MY personal account is locked down — all you get is photos of sunsets and the profile pic they make you leave public.)
But in the meantime, another friend sent me this article/podcast, should you wish to read/hear more on the matter.
Smug Singleton 
Sounds like your sage is right.
And “not a big deal” depending on who you talk to isn’t surprising. Sometimes herpes is not a big deal, but the problem is you can’t know in advance how big a deal it would be for *you*. You could be one of the ones who never even notice, or you could be like a friend of mine who got it on vacation (really not the souvenir she wanted) and the initial outbreak was hell with the ten months or so following not being much fun either. Hearing what she went through put it on my ‘let’s not do that ever’ list.
Gahhhhhh! See, for every “not a big deal,” there’s a story like THAT. I’m actually compiling a list to post, because it’s amazing how people differ on this.
If I have it, sex is on. If not, no.
I’ll be interested to read that post. It seems like ‘not a big deal’ is probably the majority experience, but I’m primed to err on the side of caution.