10 Things I (Won’t) Date About You

I’m going with a basic list for last night’s date recap (Waffles Guy, date 2), because no storytelling would be better than just throwing it all out there:

1. He really likes Triumph the Insult Comic. He was surprised I didn’t, because it’s “such similar humor to George Carlin’s.” 

THAT is when I should’ve left. BUT…

2. He ordered Bud Light Lime. On purpose. And paid for it. With money.  

3. He mocked Rhonda Rousey for saying she was depressed after a loss, because “she just didn’t get her way,” and “male fighters would never say something like that — they’d say, ‘OK, I’ll get back to the gym, work harder.'” 

So… You can’t be depressed but ALSO plan to improve? But “that’s not what a champion says.”

He actually seemed pretty dismissive about mental health issues in general, which is odd because he works in a facility that treats addicts and people with psych issues. But fuck you, dude — I’m only moderately crazy (“dysthymic,” I believe is the word), and therapy and meds have helped me a lot. And I know at least two people who’d probably be dead if they hadn’t sought help.

4. There’s “gentleman,” which I enjoy, and then there’s repeatedly insisting I put your coat over my shoulders even when I’ve said I’m not cold. Dude, it’s 65 degrees out, and I am a grown-ass woman who can determine when she needs a coat.

5. Related: While walking, he told me he was switching sides with me on the sidewalk so I wasn’t walking closest to the street. 

I forgot that was a THING. 

I don’t usually get feminist-tweaked until you start treating me like a child, and then suddenly you’re staring down the barrel of 40 years of family issues. I know when I need a coat, and it’s our second date, so… you’re gonna, what, get hit by an out-of-control car so I don’t? Way to volunteer as Tribute.

6. Discussing movies:
Him: “I never saw Lord of the Rings. Is that the one with the kid with the glasses?”
Me: *blink*”…No. That’s Harry Potter.”
Him:”Oh, right! I’ve never seen those movies, either.”

I don’t care if he didn’t see them. But how the actual balls do you confuse the two?

7. He said Breaking Bad was “just OK,” and that Better Call Saul is better. I hope someone gives you Stevia. (Kidding.)

8. Audible eater. (Of FOOD, shut up.)

9. While not as disgusting or graphic as I would’ve thought, hearing how diverticulitis presents in an adult male is still pretty boring.

10. When I asked if he was a Trump voter: “There are two things I don’t talk about in public: religion and politics. One I know far too much about, one I know nothing about. I won’t tell you which is which, but I will say I went to Catholic school for 12 years.”

Wow. I am in awe of the enigma of you.

I realize some of this is just me being an asshole. But… I mean, the valid points are REALLY valid. (It also hit a lot of my big-issue nerves, but that’s ME, not him, so I’ll get into that later.)

P.S. I let him kiss me because I was still curious after he didn’t on the first date, and I’ll give him credit: Solid kiss, one hand around my waist, one hand in my hair. Good work, sir. A little too much moaning for me personally, but overall, good for you.

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4 thoughts on “10 Things I (Won’t) Date About You

  1. 2. Grown men drink Bud Lite Lime? For real? *blinks*
    3+4+5 = sexist asshat. (More on 3 specifically in a moment…)
    6. Both are about short guys with dark hair? Other than that, I have no damn idea how you mix those two things up. They’re really not much alike, unless you’re talking about the books, where there are certainly discussions to be had about the hero’s journey, Christian themes/allegory, and so on – but I’m thinking this guy’s not that deep.
    8. I’m twitchy just reading that.
    10. ‘No religion, no politics’ is not a valid rule when dating. (For gods’ sake, even Anne of Green Gables knew that.) Not to mention, if someone has to be cutesy about whether or not they’re a Trump voter…

    Back to #3 – run. No, really, run. You are doing therapy and meds and they’re helping. The last thing you need is a person in your life who doesn’t believe that mental health is a thing. It’s incredibly frustrating and undermining to have to deal with.

    • Yuuuup. To all.

      But yeah, I didn’t ask you to go on “Meet the Press.” I asked you to tell me, the woman you’re endeavoring to put your penis in, that you’re not voting for the pile of orange in a suit.

      Also, yeah, hang out in MY circle of friends and say any variation on your women with mental issues perspective. No, really — I dare you. (He could never be a therapist because he “couldn’t sit there and listen to people bitch about their problems.” Because yeah, that’s what therapy is. I’ll tell mine you said hi.)

      • Oh, yeah, that’d go over real big with the friend circle… just picturing that and how badly it would end. *shakes head*

  2. Pingback: Last words on Waffles Guy | Smug Singleton

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