I’m a big believer in time healing all wounds when it comes to relationshits.
But no one mentions how time can also phantom-cockblock you when you discover too late in the proceedings that one of your favorite go-to, Old Faithful masturbation fantasies — the ones you rely on to get you there repeatedly and thoroughly when you can’t quite close on your own — doesn’t…fucking…WORK anymore. (This one involved That Guy, but SHUT UP, my clitoris was always happy!)
Personal growth is bullshit. The bulliest shit there is. (Joking. I just wish I could’ve somehow gotten the orgasm BEFORE the epiphany.)
BRB, changing my OkCupid profile to say my vagina is now accepting Tribute volunteers. #StuntedSingleton
Smug Singleton 