“And that’s just one small fraction, of the main attraction…”

Let the record show, for all my whinging about guys on OkCupid who only write “Hi” in their first message, now I’M trying to write to a man and can’t think of a damn thing to say.

This is supposed to be easier for women, right? Just be myself? Are you insane?! Myself is an ASSHOLE, you guys. I have NO game.

“Good day, sir. You seem cute and literate, like I could eventually handle wriggling around on top of you without hating myself after. But first let’s talk and meet for coffee and then you tell me I’m funny and then nudity? It won’t take long — I probably want it more than you do. Just don’t say anything stupid.”

*deep breath*

Self-esteem crisis over. Let’s go get me under someone… Under. Over. Sideways with… Not really caring at this point. The only time I’ve ever hated men is when I realized how integral you are to really good sex. I can make myself come, and it’s…fine. It’s just WAY better when you people do it. Curse y’all for being so much fun to play with.

P.S. Yes, obviously, I’d prefer the vanilla’d-down Glee version of this song. Shut up. I loved Emma and wanted to ride Mr. Schue like a bike. I want his hand on my tummy, and to pull him on top of me by that tie. UNF.

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