It’s not my brain that’s growing cobwebs…

I get what they’re trying to say, but…no. Go down on my vagina

I can think for myself just fine. I need YOU under the hood, making sure everything’s running smoothly — fluids topped off, I think my throttle body needs to be cleaned, and CHRIST, my check engine light’s been on for months.

As for the orgasms, please see above, re: my vagina.

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#NoPants for the win.

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One of the many things I love about being a woman:¬†I’m at work, wearing a dress similar to this one.

So basically I’m, like, six strategic¬†seams away from wearing lingerie or a long tank top in public, and everyone’s totally fine with it.

“Of course, that’s just my opinion. I could be wrong.”

My bad, you guys. Maybe Bad Moms ISN’T a funny movie. Maybe I’m just an immature idiot and a terrible feminist.

*shrug* I still liked it. Was it a highbrow intellectual feminist statement coming from the dude-bros who gave us The Hangover? Certainly not. Was it a silly, fun movie you can see with your lady-friends? I maintain it was.

When I looked up the details write my review, I was a little disappointed, but honestly surprised, to learn wasn’t written by at least one woman. And Bradley Cooper notwithstanding, I HATED The Hangover, so I was especially surprised it came from those guys.

That said, my sense of humor did stop evolving circa Beavis and Butthead, so here’s the smarter side of it.

Via Bitch Media: Bad Moms Is Even Less Funny than You Could Possibly Imagine
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Ladies and gentlemen, the First Lenny of the United States…

I’m easily amused to begin with, but I’m also up too late, silly-tired, and have spent most of the evening glued to Twitter, which may explain why I’m so entertained by these…

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“And you’re gonna hear me”…blubber like a baby…

Just saw Katy Perry on TV, soundchecking “Roar” at the #DNC.

FUCK. I’m-a cry proud, empowered tears for the sisterhood tonight, aren’t I?

Really? You didn’t think to…REALLY?!

Via Poynter: Seattle Times apologizes to readers for Clinton front page:

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Aw. Well, that’s nice.

Ahem.

Your move, All the Other Fucking Papers that Did the Same Fucking Thing.