I’d like to thank the Internet for helping me narrow my self-diagnosis to either: a harmless cyst that will go away on its own; a staph infection; or a tumor.

Very helpful, Google, thank you.

It’s a cyst. Probably.

But if I die of staph-infected tumor, it’s been fun, guys. Remember, “Baby Got Back” at the funeral, and make sure the obituary spells it “staphylocockus.” #ClassyAsFuck

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