Sometimes I worry it’s been so long since I’ve had sex that I’ve somehow forgotten how and will be terrible at it.

The cliché that comes to mind is, “It’s probably like riding a bike.”

Except I’ve never had to concern myself with a bike enjoying its ride and wanting me to ride it again in the future.

And I remember getting on a bike after not riding for a while — I was skittish and uncoordinated, and definitely should’ve been wearing a helmet.

This is not a comforting metaphor.

I need training dicks.

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