My vagina is like a nightclub — you’re gonna get carded.

I got an OkCupid message from an 18-year-old, asking if I’d be down for something “casual and fun” with someone “young and willing” such as himself.

That is some serious To Catch a Predator bullshit right there, and I am not falling for it — I don’t even like iced tea.

He added that it wouldn’t offend him if I said no. That’s a relief, because I was totally going to fuck a child so I wouldn’t risk offending him. Thank God he gave me permission to say no.