Of Mice and Man Voice

My OkCupid profile says I’m looking for someone smarter than I am, and when the site asks what I’m “really good at,” one of my answers is “aural fixation (man voices are the BEST).”

Today I got a first message that included: “I am not smarter, as you say you often prefer, and don’t have a man voice, but you sound like a good person I’d like to talk to anyway.”

1. I don’t “often prefer,” I always prefer — everyone I know is smarter than I am, so I’m pretty much constantly learning. But why would you assume, let alone lead with, not being not smarter than I am? I clicked his profile, he seemed fine. How does he know I didn’t blow my entire intellectual load setting up that profile and then wander away to have George tell me about the rabbits? (<– I’m going to hell for that.)

2. OMFG, I love man voices. My friends wonder why I end up having phone sex so often before I meet these guys — I don’t mean to. But I get all squirmy hearing man voice and one thing leads to another and all my blood rushes downward and then my hand decides to investigate and then the guy hears a catch in my voice and then he gets on board and then it’s all the entire hell over.

…Shut UP. I’m gonna bring phone sex back! (I am not. No one is.)

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