Too well-hung for me to hang

OkCupid shows you who’s looked at your profile. A 24-year-old dude just looked at mine, and his profile photo is of his hand holding his naked, sizable, penis. 

Not really sure what it says about me that I’m less offended by unsolicited naked dick than I am by the dirt under his fingernails or the mess in the room behind him.

I alternate thinking he’s ruined a delightful discovery the first time I unzip his pants and unfurl this thing, vs. really appreciating the advance notice about a cock that might actually break me in half.

“Too big! Your dick doesn’t end! Why doesn’t your dick end?”

Dream the Impossible Dick

Watching Bridget Jones’s Baby, and I know Bridget’s supposed to be some relatable everywoman, but damn, if *I* took my shirt off and stepped to Patrick Dempsey, he probably wouldn’t be super “giddy up” about it.

Nor Colin Firth. Nor Hugh Grant.

Hm. Well…OK, maybe Hugh Grant. Hugh dirty.

Craigslist’s new “submissive connections” section

Entirety of first message from a man on OkCupid: “Hi, chat? Submissive?”

A few things:

1. Isn’t it nice how he puts in that bit about chatting before so deftly and subtly segueing into “submissive?” THAT’s how you treat a lady, gents.

2. The timestamp on the message is 5:50 a.m. I’m not submitting to anything at 5:50 in the goddamn morning except more sleep. Clearly our schedules wouldn’t mesh.

Sub-question (pun not intended, but stood by): Really? Dominating is on your mind at 5:50 a.m.? Let me get some coffee before we discuss safe words.

3. This is a shame, because I don’t know if I’m submissive because I like it, or because I’m lazy and unimaginative, but yeah, generally, I will be quite pleased to do any naughty little thing you tell me to and then beg you for more. But if that’s the FIRST thing you need to know, I’m probably not submissive enough for you.

Alas, good sir. Despite your enticing offer, this does not seem to be our time. Best of luck to you.

Well, at least there’s that.

Quotable therapist: “I promise, you don’t hit menopause and automatically become a Republican.”

You heard it here, folks.

#science

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies…

I’m too old to be a Handmaid, but fingers crossed I get to be a Martha.

#PraiseBe

Texas Lawmakers Advance Bill That Would Allow Doctors to Lie to Pregnant Women
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