Achievement unlocked: Took off bra while driving.
Fucking disloyal underwire. 🖕🏼
New life plan: Open my own therapy practice and call it Why You’re Like This.
First OkCupid message:
Again, though, thanks for the heads up about your mini-fetish. As someone who is also aurally fixated, I respect it. But you’re creepy about it, and you used emojis, and…no.
This feels like I’m being catfished by some pervy Ursula.
I need to start keeping better track of my menstrual cycle so I can at least see some reason in being a puffy, disgusting cheese monster.🧀👹🔪
I saw this in a man’s OkCupid profile, and… Is this a big enough issue for men that y’all need to disclaim it away up front?
But hey, good on you, sir — establishing your boundaries and managing my expectations. Ahem…I guess…
My parents give me grief about being “educated” but using profanity, asking if that’s “the best I can do,” and “can’t I find a better way to express myself.”
Well, first off, fuck you.
But also? I’m a writer/editor, like, for money, so accurate use of language is kinda my thing. And there is no more accurate language for the world we’re currently inhabiting than a constant blue streak of every swear word I know, and likely some I don’t. I’m grateful I found Archer, because I don’t know how people CAN express their feelings effectively without saying things like “son of a shit-snackin’ whore.” SO glad I learned that one!
Plus, I’m sorry, WHO let me have the George Carlin and Denis Leary albums at age 12? Pfft. This is on y’all.