From the Department of Unexpected Dildos…

Text to friends this morning:

“Sometimes I forget I follow Kink Shoppe on Instagram, until I’m half-asleep and procrastinating getting out of bed and it’s like, “‘Oh, hey! Well, good morning to you, too, giant purple sex toys!’

P.S. Ha ha, my phone was at 37%. “My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!” “In a row?!”