This is a man’s answer to one of the sex questions on OkCupid, and I want to write to him solely to ask what the WRONG moment/conditions would be.
Outside of “during sex,” when/where else do you think I’m doing that? Do you think I can just do it spontaneously, like…in the supermarket? Because a) I can’t, but also b) Yeah, I can see how people might frown on that. That’s pretty rude, plus it fucks up your pants for the rest of the day.
Yesterday I wore skinny pants, except I’m NOT skinny, and then I had Chinese food, and then I got puffy, aaand now I have this…fat-rash above my belly button where my tummy was trying to escape my belt.
Honestly, I don’t even know how y’all deal with how sexy I am.
I have family time later, so I ordered coffee and green juice with my breakfast. Might also grab some form of protein shake beforehand.
I might also need THIS shirt, but it’ll be my little secret that “it” = “anxiety and half an eating disorder.”
This was Facebook’s suggested post for me today, so if you’ll excuse me, I’m-a go find me a window to jump out of. Not because I’m dying alone, I’m fine with that, but because this bullshit exists.