This is a man’s answer to one of the sex questions on OkCupid, and I want to write to him solely to ask what the WRONG moment/conditions would be.
Outside of “during sex,” when/where else do you think I’m doing that? Do you think I can just do it spontaneously, like…in the supermarket? Because a) I can’t, but also b) Yeah, I can see how people might frown on that. That’s pretty rude, plus it fucks up your pants for the rest of the day.
Yesterday I wore skinny pants, except I’m NOT skinny, and then I had Chinese food, and then I got puffy, aaand now I have this…fat-rash above my belly button where my tummy was trying to escape my belt.
Honestly, I don’t even know how y’all deal with how sexy I am.
I have family time later, so I ordered coffee and green juice with my breakfast. Might also grab some form of protein shake beforehand.
I might also need THIS shirt, but it’ll be my little secret that “it” = “anxiety and half an eating disorder.”
This was Facebook’s suggested post for me today, so if you’ll excuse me, I’m-a go find me a window to jump out of. Not because I’m dying alone, I’m fine with that, but because this bullshit exists.
Ooh. Why, this would be just LOVELY for my next family gathering, no?