Condescension is a bold choice here.

Let us all salute this brave man for coming forward to correct my assessment of MY OWN SENSE OF HUMOR in my online dating profile. Phew! Thank GOD you were here, sir.

I mean…if it quacks like white trash…

My therapist has been trying to get me to stop calling myself white trash, but I AM currently using one of my slippers as a coaster, so, um… 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why…ARE you…?

“Hey, Smug, how’s online dating going?”SO glad you asked, gentle reader!

Jesus, Amazon — I KNOW I’m fat.

Oh, hey… Kiss my dick, Amazon.

Accurate.

Art imitating life

When I told my therapist I was having a hard time getting myself to respond to OkCupid messages, even when I WANTED to, and I went over my previous experiences with online dating, she said, “Well, yeah, that makes sense. If you’d tried ice skating 10 times and ended up breaking an ankle every time, you probably wouldn’t be too excited to try again.”YUP.

No, really… I am a grown woman.

[Beavis snicker]

How to lose weight and also see penguins

If you’re trying to become less of a fat-ass, I suppose a beautiful day toddling around the Zoo isn’t the WORST way to start.

My pants are judgy whores.

I mean…I guess as weight-loss motivators go, splitting the seam on a fairly new — and not inexpensive — pair of pants is probably a pretty good one, if a bit unflattering. 🙄

FINE.