I’m going to hell.

2016: “Not all men!”

2017: “Hold my dick.”

All about that baseline

I don’t remember where I heard that the way you bring in a new year sets the tone for the entire year. And I know, the way some people celebrate New Year’s, that would be ridiculous: “I want to spend 2016 drunk and freezing my balls off in Times Square, wearing a stupid corporate-branded hat and squished against a bajillion other people!”**

Still, if that idea is even a little true, I’m kind of OK with spending this year employed (two jobs, even), well rested, well sheltered and warm, reasonably attractive, and having a group of bad-ass, supportive people who love me.

See also: coffee, bourbon, hugs from friends’ kids, lipstick, and cookies.

Sure, there are elements of my life I’m trying to change. But if the above is my baseline, I’m not mad at it.

Happy official new year, you guys. I’m glad y’all are here.

** From a less snarky perspective, “I want to spend 2016 having memorable, once-in-a-lifetime adventures in exciting places with people I love” isn’t such a terrible plan.

Those hats are still the worst, though.

NYE Cheers

I’m thinking about where I was last New Year’s Eve, mentally and physically, and… son of a bitch, that IS real, tangible progress. I suddenly have a li’l extra swagger this evening — 2016 is gonna be the year of Dat Ass.

Happy almost new year, my lovelies. My bourbon cider and I salute you. Have fun, be safe, and thank you for reading my silliness this year.

Cheers and hugs,
Smug

Cruzing for cash

It’s… it’s beautiful…

BTW, I checked my quiver of fucks and couldn’t find a single one to give about the presidential race right now, so for ME, this has nothing to do with Ted Cruz personally, so get off my ass — that’s where I have my Jesus sex. This is about comedy, like “in honor of that time Ted Cruz made his family leave Build a Bear because it wasn’t Christian enough.” I have no idea why, but I laughed so hard my puddified ab muscles hurt, so maybe you will, too. 

Plus, I obviously support Planned Parenthood. I donated and they’re sending me a sticker. I like stickers.