Just one day of asshole amnesty

I don’t do the “America, fuck yeah!” post, and I don’t do “Where I was on 9/11,” because no one cares where I was. It’s even more narcissistic than “thoughts and prayers” — “I mean, yeah, thousands died, but here’s what *I* was doing!” 

I realize even doing THIS is self-centered.
But I take today as an opportunity to let the people I love know I appreciate them, so… Hey, guys. I appreciate you. Thanks for following my silliness. 💕

Here’s hoping you don’t encounter any dumbass online anger or terrible people today. Hug someone cool.

And hey, if you’re a dick and I don’t realize because I don’t know you, maybe take the day off and don’t be a dick? Try it, see how it goes. You can always go back to dick tomorrow. (Wait, no…not what I meant…)

Just a tip, just to see how it feels

Pro tip: Women on dating sites LOVE being commanded by your first message to answer for their entire gender:

“Why is it that a truly interesting opening line such as ‘what were the last 3 books you’ve read’ goes ignored because it sounds like homework, a simple ‘hello’ is frowned upon, and asking someone to share a coffee without weeks of messages is seen as ‘too quick?’ Is there a mixed message command center I am unaware of?”

Well, first, you answered your own first question. Sure, you’re a douchebag for referring to your books question as “truly interesting,” because it’s not. But you’re right — some women might ignore it “because it sounds like homework.” *I* wouldn’t, if you’d just started with that, but instead you went with putting your anger issues right out there on Front St., so…no.

There ya go: Message un-mixed.

P.S. Last three books: Brain on Fire, Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls, and The Noonday Demon. Now, see, that could in fact, have started a decent conversation, if you hadn’t put the “ass” in “alas.”

“You had to not exist.”

“You left me behind. And I was so angry at you that you had to not exist. I needed to erase you. And then Jerry died, and I erased me, too. Having someone die on you before you have said everything and forgiven everything and been there and loved them as hard as you should… It’s not something I’d wish on anyone.”
— Mellie Grant, Scandal

Motherfuckin’ Mona Lisa in this business

Someone at work just told me I hide my stress well. This is good, because I’ve been told throughout my adult life that I have an inordinately expressive demeanor when it comes to irritation, anger, nervousness, lust, and love. So at least I’m enigmatic when my brain is all twisty.

Um…bonus?