“I’m just sayin’, this audiobook about sexual assault didn’t have enough laughs for me. And MAN, she talked SO much about sexual assault! What about the GOOD things in life, huh?!”
What the unwieldy hell?
(Hunger, if you wondered.)
Psst… Hey, audiobook app… That’s not romance.
Is there a category for stalky, rapey psychos?
Email to Friend: “The therapist asked me to write about my accomplishments this year, and goals for the upcoming year and beyond. I’ve been struggling with it because I genuinely can’t think of much. (I assume ‘Keep breathing’ and ‘Stay employed’ are implied. Maybe ‘Don’t sleep with anyone dumber than me?’)
“But I’m finishing Judy Greer’s book, and coincidentally she’s talking about how she has an always-evolving list of goals, what’s important to her, etc., that she reads and revises as needed.
“And then Kelly Sue DeConnick sent this text yesterday to the Bitches Get Shit Done list, so it’s pretty much law now, right? List ahoy, Little Shark!” 
Friend: “I can think of at least three things you should be proud of yourself for, but I’m not telling you because you have to look back and be proud of yourself. You have to look in the mirror and see the good.”
Me: “THREE?! Shit. I’m pretty rad. (I think I had two. Will continue considering.)”
I searched the word “clutter” in my audiobook app, and among my results was a book about the Duggar family.
Bwah ha ha… Added to my reading list! 
God help me if it’s a bad narrator. Is there any way we could get Stephen Colbert to read this one to me? Maybe Chris Noth? Scott Foley? My vagina is oddly particular about voices — this isn’t gonna work for me if the narrator says “supposably.”
(If it has to be a woman, maybe Kerry Washington? My orgasm would get HANDLED.)
Bwah ha ha…
Well, obviously I need to listen to this audiobook. I am AWFUL in bed. 
Smug Singleton 