Emailing a friend who’s been to this bar with me a bunch of times…
“This guy’s OkCupid profile says he owns a ‘craft beer and whiskey bar in Philadelphia.’
[screenshot pic of guy wearing bar-branded t-shirt]
“DUDE. Will fuck for whiskey and nachos!”
Pre-holiday haircut and color: “What doesn’t kill you only makes you blonder…” 
That free wine they provide is half the reason I keep coming back to this salon. (Post-apartment move, it’s annoyingly far.)
The other half, as I texted a friend:
Me: “My hair salon is next door to that bar with the cheesy pretzels, so I think a to-go order after my appointment is a must, no?”
Friend: “Otherwise you’re just wasting your life, honestly.”
I can’t waste my life, you guys.
#DrunkyCheesyDestiny
(Upon reflection, I wish I’d asked Friend to join me at the bar. We could’ve taken my faboo hair for a test run, and she’d be a great wingman. Plus, I reiterate, cheesy pretzels.)
Smug Singleton 