Improving my health one shiny trinket at a time.

“So, Smug, what finally got you off your lazy ass to start working out again? Was it all that free time while you were unemployed? Was it multiple healthcare professionals telling you regular exercise could help you feel less depressed and foggy and gross? Perhaps the fact that all your pants are uncomfortably tight because your thighs look like those big fuckoff turkey legs at Renaissance Faires?”

“Naw. They etched a mythical creature into a piece of shitty fake metal.”

“One of the 24 similarities between girls and fish is that they’re both attracted to shiny objects.”
— Barney Stinson

I’m not hot enough to be THIS unappealing.

Friend: “He wants to date you. You like him, go!”
Me: “Nah, not yet. Not when I’m unemployed AND emotionally insane. I’m not cute enough to make that worthwhile for a guy. I know my place on the Hot/Crazy scale.”