Baby Got Backfat

I love how they’re making cuter plus-size swimsuits, but can you cut it out with the string-held open backs? Baby got back fat, bro — those strings would disappear into the trenches.

I’ll just live under the stairs, it’s fine.

I’m preliminary swimsuit shopping for my April vacation, and even on the curvy-chicks, we-need-underwires, our-models-have-an-adorable-hint-of-backfat site, I want to jump out the goddamn window.

It’s February. This layer of fat is keeping me warm, thankyouverymuch. I will be a quality buffet if the apocalypse happens — I am marbled as FUCK. And I’m also SUPER good spending my life in these oversized sweats. HMPH.

Graham Slams

I know I’m basically obsessed with Ashley Graham at this point, but… but…

C’mon, y’all, godDAMN.

Notes to self:
— Obtain first bikini
— Go to beach
— FLAUNT