Sir Mix-a-Lot didn’t sanction this.

*blink*

 

What the fruit-scented fuck is this?

I see what you did there. The question is, do YOU?

Ahem…The spokesmodel for Aveeno skincare products, ladies and gentlemen.

Via Huffington Post:

“The objectification and scrutiny we put women through is absurd and disturbing … a reflection of how we see and portray women in general, measured against some warped standard of beauty. Sometimes cultural standards just need a different perspective so we can see them for what they really are — a collective acceptance… a subconscious agreement. We are in charge of our agreement. Little girls everywhere are absorbing our agreement, passive or otherwise. And it begins early. The message that girls are not pretty unless they’re incredibly thin, that they’re not worthy of our attention unless they look like a supermodel or an actress on the cover of a magazine is something we’re all willingly buying into. This conditioning is something girls then carry into womanhood. We use celebrity ‘news’ to perpetuate this dehumanizing view of females, focused solely on one’s physical appearance, which tabloids turn into a sporting event of speculation.”

 

Vaginal Illumination

A friend sent this to me, and…

OK, Sephora, whatever you need to tell yourself. But we all know “phthalate-free, body-safe silicone” is code for “You can totally also put this in your vagina.”

Re-blog: Olay Getting Women To Drop Guard With Few Nonjudgmental Ads Before Nailing Them With Body Shame

Via The Onion, Olay Getting Women To Drop Guard With Few Nonjudgmental Ads Before Nailing Them With Body Shame:

How ’bout NO-tox?

Email to friends: 

“So I’m having the kind of self-image day that has me Googling Botox alternatives, but I’m not SO far gone that I didn’t read this and think, ‘Are you fucking kidding me?'” 

 

My moisturizer judges me.

The label on my “nighttime” moisturizer specifies that it “works well under makeup.”

Because clearly my bedmate would be so repulsed by my bare face that I should consider investing in a bedtime color palette? At least a light foundation, Jesus. I can’t let him see…my FACE. Horrors!

Or, a more likely subtext: “We know you’re a half-assed adult and don’t wash your face before bed half the time. So when you invariably screw up and end up using this product in the morning? Neutrogena has your back!”