Elbows Guy: The Final Chapter…I think…

Email to a female friend, subject: “Be proud.”

Me: “When I wrote the email telling Elbows Guy I don’t want a second date, I revised a few different ways, but each time made myself remove the words ‘I’m sorry.'”

Friend: “I am VERY proud of you. Well done.”

Me: “I didn’t even lie and say I met someone. I just said I didn’t want to.”

I ran the email past a male friend first to get a man’s perspective, to ensure it wasn’t douchey but didn’t leave room for debate. He said the email would be fine for a normal guy, but told me with this dude, I may get asked for an explanation.

Five minutes after I sent the email, I got a text from the Bitches Get Shit Done group: “You will survive being uncomfortable. You may even be better off for it.” Kelly Sue DeConnick is the aunt I’ve always wanted.

P.S. I just saw that he looked at my LinkedIn profile yesterday, which is not at all disconcerting. I think it’s locked down to just my network, though… Probably…

P.P.S. I underestimated him. He replied politely and even thanked me for NOT doing The Fadeaway. I mean, he said it in a way that made it sound as if all women do that (and maybe they do, to him), but I’ll still give him a point for it. Only one, though — he’d lost 50 points for heckling my dry elbow skin while all the moisture he needed was IN MY VAGINA, so he’s still netting out at -49.

In which my squad won’t give me goals.

Email to Friend: “The therapist asked me to write about my accomplishments this year, and goals for the upcoming year and beyond. I’ve been struggling with it because I genuinely can’t think of much. (I assume ‘Keep breathing’ and ‘Stay employed’ are implied. Maybe ‘Don’t sleep with anyone dumber than me?’)

“But I’m finishing Judy Greer’s book, and coincidentally she’s talking about how she has an always-evolving list of goals, what’s important to her, etc., that she reads and revises as needed.

“And then Kelly Sue DeConnick sent this text yesterday to the Bitches Get Shit Done list, so it’s pretty much law now, right? List ahoy, Little Shark!”  

Friend: “I can think of at least three things you should be proud of yourself for, but I’m not telling you because you have to look back and be proud of yourself. You have to look in the mirror and see the good.”

Me: “THREE?! Shit. I’m pretty rad. (I think I had two. Will continue considering.)”