I went to CVS today and their magazine rack was like, “Hey, you haven’t felt super bad about yourself in a while. Want us to fix that for ya?”
I SURE AS SHIT DO, CVS! Not only that, I will happily pay for the privilege!
Also, yes, that is definitely what every woman I know wears to the gym. Forkin’ NAILED it. 🙄
Hi, my father just shared this on Facebook with a “Hee,” so if you need me I’ll be jumping out a window.
Therapist: “So how’s it going with your body image as far as your vacation and trying on swimsuits?”
Me: “I mean, it is what it is. I can’t change much in 2 weeks, so…this is my body, I’m gonna go have fun.”
Therapist: “That sounds like a very healthy perspective. Good for you.”
Later, while trying on shorts…
Me: “Cool, so I’m basically a manatee.”
Aaand now I need more therapy. 🙄
This is the online photo of another swimsuit I bought, and I texted a friend a photo of how it looked on me…
Me: “I’m sending this back. I don’t even know why I bought it. I’m gonna be standup paddleboarding and shit — I need something sportier. But damn, I look CUTE.”
Friend: “You look great and you should keep it and wear that shit every time you go near water.”
Here’s to friends who are more supportive than bathing suits. 🍸
I ordered swimsuits online so I could try them on and suffer privately, and perhaps call my therapist.
And I love knowing before I even open it that my breast is not fitting in there.
That’s adorable, though. You tried.
Oh, OK, cool, ‘cause my fat ass needed to save some money not shopping your bullshit, anyway, you word-misusing jagoff fuckface. (Even putting aside this topic, dude sounds like a complete tool.)
Via Jezebel: Victoria’s Secret Doesn’t Want Plus Size or Trans Women Walking the Runway
I might also need THIS shirt, but it’ll be my little secret that “it” = “anxiety and half an eating disorder.”
Ooh. Why, this would be just LOVELY for my next family gathering, no?
My mom isn’t saying I need to lose weight, but since I mentioned it earlier, just so I know, So-and-So just died of a heart attack at age 43 because she was overweight.
She also had high blood pressure and smoked, which Mom knows I don’t do, but… just, you know… “It’s not just about vanity.”
“Well, yeah, but my health is fine at this weight. Blood pressure, cholesterol, it’s all perfect.”
“Yeah, I know, but you have to keep it that way.”
So I guess “Don’t get any fatter” is the sage wisdom getting passed down through the generations this Mother’s Day?
Cool. Noted. Someone put that shit on a Hallmark card.
And it was on the way out the door, too. My mom is a fucking MASTER of the emotional drive-by.
“I wasn’t trying to say you need to lose weight.”
“I really don’t know what else you could’ve been trying to say, Mom.”
“Alright…”
Aaand SCENE. Her husband got in the car and drove them away.
We win at communication.
P.S. Why, yes, she DID send me home with cake and soft pretzels, why do you ask?
I feel attacked by my mail today. 
Smug Singleton 