It’s probably somehow significant that I’m listening to an audiobook about sexual assault, and so far the only time I’ve needed an emotional break is the chapter that begins with the 2016 election.
So…when I search my library’s app for books about clutter, one of the results is a book about the Duggar family.
I couldn’t make that up. I am nowhere NEAR that funny.
I’m listening to Michelle Obama’s audiobook, and she’s describing how Barack proposed to her in a restaurant. The server brought the dessert plate and lifted the fancy lid, and there was “a dark velvet box where the chocolate cake was supposed to be.”
And, OK, fine — yay, congrats, mazel, etc.
But also, um… You’re still gonna bring my cake, right? It’s just backstage somewhere?
I feel like she really glossed over the important part.
Y’all, I may be dead inside and stuck in heinous rush hour traffic, but even *I* can’t keep this dipshit look off my face listenting to Michelle Obama recount her early courtship with Barack. JESUS, people, I’m not made of wood. This shit is cuter than a Hallmark movie about kittens wearing tiny sweaters. COME ON. #IAMBECOMING
Perhaps I’m a little too irritable to start an audiobook about the connection between obesity and clutter…
Also, I swear it’s a joke — I know we already have QUITE enough bloated, size-queeny, too-fat-to-function patriotism.
Oh, hey… Kiss my dick, Amazon.
Text to a friend: “I didn’t know that was weird until my therapist told me.”
This should be the title of my debut novel.
Once again, Amazon taking the boldest of leaps with my search terms…