I debated being a jackass and posting that I’ll be spending Mother’s Day making it rain disposable, childless income on fancy brunch cocktails and new Lush products. And, don’t get me wrong, that IS what I’m doing today.
But also: Serious, non-snarky props to all my mom friends. I hate most children because I hate most people, but your kids are the best because YOU’RE the best. So thanks for raising a new generation of non-assholes. ‘Cause we all know if *I* were the one endeavoring to “teach them well and let them lead the way,” my kid would be a complete dick — he’d be late for school every day and have unexplained Cheetos in his unwashed hair.
So, as for us fruitless non-multipliers… Y’all wanna go get hammered at noon and then go buy some motherfuckin’ high-end soaps?