Don’t make me hate you.

Over the weekend I finally settled an issue with a family member who “didn’t want to talk about this.”

I get that, I really do. I don’t want to talk about it, either. But if you keep refusing to talk when I need to, I will hate you. I won’t mean to hate you. I won’t want to hate you. But you’re telling me I’m not worth the time, or enduring the minor discomfort you’d feel during a conversation? No. I’m not gonna smile and play Cool Girl while I silently stew in your bullshit.

We’re adults. We talk about it, or we don’t talk. Your call. Reasonable? Of course not. But I’ve learned that NOT communicating solves nothing. It just creates larger problems because now everyone is operating on presumption and hurt feelings.

I forced a 10-minute, in-person conversation because I thought it was worth forcing (because I don’t want to spend my life butthurt), and now we’re good.

I fucking hate when hippies (ie, my therapist) are right and I can’t just be Irish and swallow my rage. Swallowing is my favorite. Oh. Wait, no…

Adjust your dress, your cynicism is showing.

I’d like to thank our nation’s veterans for fighting for our freedom to whinge self-righteously online about a non-news coffee cup “story” while we jerk off in SWEET bachelor pads in our parents’ basements.


Is that not why they’re fighting?

Re-blog: 5 Sexual Fears That Science Says Are Bullshit

I got this as a comment on the previous post, and I thought it was worth sharing on its own to make sure everyone sees it.

Via Cracked: 5 Sexual Fears That Science Says Are Bullshit. IMG_1072.JPG

Oh, what fresh hell is this?

I’m having an uncharacteristic and unappreciated craving for snuggles. What the shit? Even if I were to summon a snuggle buddy to my lair, I’d give it 10 minutes MAX before I got antsy and started thinking about pie.

I don’t snuggle. This is horseshit.

Well, that’s just a bunch of crap…

Again I call shenanigans on Internet “wisdom.” I saw this on a friend’s Facebook, and bulllllllllSHIT.
Having faith is not all I can do. It’s actually the thing I’m *least* capable of doing! Thinking, wondering, imagining, and obsessing are far easier than having faith. Clearly you don’t live in my head.

“You’ve got to be optimistic to be single. Stupid. You have to be stupid. That’s what optimistic means, you know? It means stupid. An optimist is somebody who goes, ‘Hey, maybe something nice will happen.’ Why the fuck would anything nice happen?” (Louis C.K.)

Now THAT is a philosophy. Stitch that shit on a pillow.